Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
