it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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