I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this boner is exhausting
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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