Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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