The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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