Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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