lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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