the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
