Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
