i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
