Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
