just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
