There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
