I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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