then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
