I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
