this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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