New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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