Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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