I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize