We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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