So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
