If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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