Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
