Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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