she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
