she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
