what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
