I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
