Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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