Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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