i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
