You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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