I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
