sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
