Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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