i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
