One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize