Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We left the knife in your bed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
