it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
