doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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