dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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