I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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