Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
