I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
