Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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