dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
