i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
