is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hippo gnu deer
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
