this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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