he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
