i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
