Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
