Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
