you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
