you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
