Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
