don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize