she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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