For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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