Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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