Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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