is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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