Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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