I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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