Me. At least after what I've been through.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
