thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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