I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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