Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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